A sweet poem for a lazy Sunday


I will not play at tug o'war.
I'd rather play at hug o'war
Where everyone hugs
Instead of tugs
Where everyone giggles
And rolls on the rug,
Where everyone kisses,
And everyone grins,
And everyone cuddles,
And everyone wins.

by Shel Silverstein from Where the Sidewalk Ends

There is a very dear reason to cultivate many things in life that brings you joy.  When you feel uncentered, sad, tired, or stressed out, these things become touchstones to recenter, revive, and replenish yourself.

When I've  been through a challenging time, there are things that I go back to again and again that have so much positive association for me that it brings me back to myself so quickly. And, they are all very simple things -  a favorite meal at a beloved restaurant, my Tantra practice, buying fresh produce, being in my awesome apartment, putting together a wish list at a favorite lingerie shop, dancing alone to favorite music, getting a massage from my favorite spa,  lounging in bed on the good sheets, and of course connecting with close friends and family.  The simpler the better - and sometimes the cheesier - cooking to Prince totally does it for me every time.

 We don't have to escape the world to find happiness. We can listen to ourselves - to what we love and what lights us up and just brings us happiness and simple joy and make sure that we do those things very regularly.  It's like bank account that we can go back to draw on when we are out of sorts or really stressed out.  "God is in the details"  - or that potent and grounding happiness is in the specifics - those particular things that just are filled with so much positive energy that the moment you connect with them, it's like this elixir that brings you back even better than you before. I have found too the more specific the better -  it's important to do what we love to do - I know it sounds really simple but it's easy to loose. We have so many responsibilities on our shoulders. So many unexpected stresses can come up in a day that it can be easy to just go catatonic in front of the tv. But, I have found that I bounce back much faster if I am really specific about things that I really enjoy or love - like if I watch tv picking out a favorite show rather than just consuming whatever is on - or going to a really specific restaurant that I really love rather than just setting for whatever is around - or letting myself get sucked into one of those "so bad but can't look away" reality shows - it makes a world of a difference. I think that's why hobbies are so valuable too - they are this pure joy that we can return to again and again without fail.

 And of course eroticism is fantastic for all that too - one of the things I love so much about it is that the basics are pretty much always the same - that predictability is comforting -  but there are truly endless variations, fantasies, meditations to discover that always bring new life to it - it's truly remarkable.

This is Christina O - signing off - about to bounce into her kitchen to make something delectable - Much Love  xox

Yesterday I discovered the music for the film The Pianist.  The actual film is deeply moving and profoundly beautiful.  It is the true story of Wladyslaw Szpilman, the most accomplished pianist in Poland, if not Europe, in the 1930's and how he survived during  Nazi occupation.  Listening to the soundtrack alone after seeing the film is even more moving.  It's music that touches me so deeply that I cannot do anything else while hearing it. It is not background music. It demands complete presence, to be with what it's saying.  In the film, his music literally saves his life at one point.  The most beautiful moment in the film is the first and last scene are exactly the same.  (I know it's a bit of a spoiler but it's worth mentioning).

I think very few of us escape serious hardship in life.  Even if we haven't experienced it ourselves, we  love people who have. And that is a hardship in itself.  The story of the Lotus flower and why it is such a popular symbol is that it grows out of the mud and compost at the bottom of the pond. Using deep challenges to grow into better people  can be the most profound experience of being alive - to actually find light out of the deep darkness - to not philosophize about it but to have to do the actual work of it - can move a person in ways that nothing else can.  I cannot say "Oh, it's good that these terrible things have happened. Just see it as a blessing"  That I would never say.  I know better than  to be so simplistic. But, because hardship is part of the human experience, I have found it very useful to study how people have made it through extreme suffering and came out on the other side with profound wisdom, peace, love, and kindness  - people like Nelson Mandala and Immaculée Ilibagiza.   It is possible. It has been done. 

If we allow it, hardship has the ability to knock off our hard edges - the edges that actually cause us and others suffering - we can use hardship to drive us to find the qualities that are the best in human beings.  I actually find that I prefer to have friendships with people who have gone through great challenges and have used it all in a positive way. I find that those altruistic qualities are just a part of who they are - they've owned these qualities because they have had to find them within themselves when they could have made another choice.  It's "in their bones".  I think also when you see a certain level of violence and destruction and hatred, you don't want to participate in that anymore.  You just get tired of it. You see what it does, what it creates, and you just want something else - you want to be an agent of love and peacefulness - you really want something different.  The hunger and drive for that becomes very large. And you want to be around people who have gotten to that point too.  Certainly not everyone gets there, there are many people who don't. But, the point is, we can. We do have that option within the face of great suffering and pain and challenge.  We can get tired of it and choose to be agents of something else.  It takes a lot of work but it is worth it.  To find that there is something on the other side of the deepest darkness is something that no one can ever take away from you. It creates great peace.

I know I go the route of Red Tantra often - of the sensual direction of Tantra because I have a great passion for that naturally but it's very important to note this is just one apsect of Tantra. A deeper cut of it  really about using the experiences of life to deepen us - to be people who embody our best qualities in the face of these tremendous challenges - that we choose to use it all as fuel to go deeper, to be better people, to accept life as it is, to give up the resistance to what's happening, and to face it head on - using it transform us into the tremendous people that we do have the capacity to be.




 

ANYWAY

People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and true enemies. 
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Be good anyway.

Honesty and frankness will make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People need help but will attack you if you help them.
Help them anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.

- Kent Keith 

Wow - I have been a busy women, largely thanks to you all - my fantastic clients - which  makes me really happy.  I love it!

Which is why I am a bit late wishing you all a very Happy Valentine's Day. If you celebrate the holiday I hope it was wonderful.  I had the best Valentine's Day ever.  My date and I went to RED. It was a dinner/circus theater experience.  The tables were positioned in a big circle, with the stage in the center.  As we enjoyed each course, a different piece was performed for all to enjoy.  There were aerial dancers twirling on red silks, a couple dancing with fire (I especially liked the gorgeous woman sending a flaming hoop spinning around her hips) to name a few.  One of the best sites was the stilt walkers dressed like sexy Geisha Girls. One of the most fun moments was after the soup was served all the slit walkers marched in with baskets filled with bread. So, we received our rolls from an 8 foot tall "Geisha" in fishnet stockings bending from her great height to place the bread perfectly on the plate. Very nice!

Because it was Chinese New Year, we were also served platters with whole fish (and roasted chicken)  that our whole table shared. We were told that traditionally the entire fish is served to symbolize prosperity, abundance, and receiving the fullness of a blessing that's shared by all.   It was a very rich night that I will always remember. 


Red sparkles on you all!

Love, Christina

 A famous motivational speaker was being interviewed for a radio show. The host said to him "You talk a lot about affirmations. I think that's just a lot of New Age mumbo jumbo. I think it's silly."

The speaker answered, "Oh, ok. There's something that I'd like you to do then. I want you to look at yourself in the mirror everyday for the next week and say to yourself "I'm a loser. I'm ugly. I am going to have a terrible day. Really bad things are going to happen to me."

"No, I'm not going to do that," the host answered forcefully. 

"Why not?" If you don't believe that what we say to ourselves has any affect on us then you shouldn't have a problem," the speaker asked.

"That just seems like a really bad idea. It scares me. It's bad luck."

"So, you do believe in affirmations then."

"Yes, I guess I do."

There are some great articles on Tantra in NY in Time Out NY this month - featuring my teacher Barbara Carrellas - and as it happens I know personally everyone featured in the article and they are all great people -

http://newyork.timeout.com/articles/sex-dating/82353/tantra-101

Hello All You Fabulous People,

I am fulfilling some requests to peak inside my head a bit -

1. What are you reading right now?   - Prodigal Summer by Barbara Kingsolver

2. Magazine subscriptions?  Fast Company, Vogue, Architectural Digest

3. Favorite Film? Billy Elliot

4. Place you most want to visit in the world? Bali

5. Favorite visual artist? Gregory Crewdson

6. Show you can't miss? 30 Rock

7. Your favorite way to spend a cold winter day: Ice skating or sledding

8. Favorite sport to watch: Football

9. Favorite outdoor activity: Swimming in the ocean

10. One thing that you've enjoyed the most in your life: Being an animal caretaker at an animal sanctuary in the Southwest - esp. bottle feeding baby raccoons

I have been watching from a distance the wild, devotional frenzy of female fans for the actor, Robert Pattinson, who plays Edward in the film series "Twilight". Even close friends of mine in their late 30's are so in love with this character and how Pattinson brings him to life that they have seen the film nearly 100 times.  He has awakened something in women and I wanted to find out what it was.

I had avoided it because the trailer for the film looked like a cheesy teenage movie. But, I couldn't ignore the pictures I saw of hoards of women, not teenage girls, crying and screaming just at the sight of Pattinson. So, I saw the film and yes, I'll admit it - I went Edward crazy too. I completely get it.  He has captured qualities so succinctly that many women desire in a man.   I felt compelled to break it down here as it's packed with valuable information.

One could say "Oh, this movie is just a fantasy - there's nothing there at all  - he's just a hot guy."  But, stories are rarely that simple, especially fantasies. These are archetypal stories that expose  the language of the inner life - the life that cannot be explained in just words - that can only be shown vividly and poetically to be understood and grasped.  These stories are profoundly symbolic and that is why we react to them on such an emotional level.

And, that's what's happening in this little vampire movie and why women are getting so excited about it.

Here's the breakdown: Edward represents a few things. One he is a mighty force of nature. He has this intense animalistic desire to devour Bella. She is the only woman in all the decades that he's been alive that he truly wants to take into him fully and must use all of his self-control to stop himself. And, he does so because he really loves her.  He can feel all of his desire without being consumed by it.

Women understand the intensity of men's sexuality. It is truly a force of nature, one that is extremely powerful and to be overpowered by it in a positive way is so deeply satisfying. But, we also live with the reality that rape is still very common and the vast majority of the time it is a man overpowering a woman.  Women live with that collective reality every day.  With every man we meet those statistics are with us. It's impossible for them not to be.  To know someone could force themselves inside our bodies and take against our wills something that is among the most precious, tender, and  and essential to us is a reality we face continually.  When something like that happens to a woman, it does kill something inside of her. It can be reborn but it takes tremendous effort and healing. 

So, herein is often the dilemma. Women don't want men to neuter their incredible, hot desire. We don't even want you to turn down the temperature on it.  We want you to blaze that hotly and be able to take what would also be best for us into account in that moment and be able to act on it. To be ravished with that level of consciousness is an experience few other things can even touch.

With Edward, he  is a wildly visceral, passionate, animalistic being.  He is physically more powerful than she is.  He has the overwhelming desire to plunge his long hard pointed teeth deep into her soft, supple body  to penetrate her deeply and drink in her very essence.  He knows if he acts thoughtlessly he could kill her, this woman that he loves so deeply.  He is so attracted to her that he can't keep away from her.We don't want Edward to desire her any less. We don't want to see him numb himself to his desire for her.  We want to see him be able to keep that level of desire, that level of consuming hunger for her. And the thrill is how is he going to do it and still take care of her, still treat her with the utmost love and consideration? That's what we are watching for.  


Here's a good example: a woman truly does not like when a man just grabs her boob. That never feels good ever (even in a "professional" setting).  But, for a woman it's a huge turn on to know that a man is dying to touch her breast and will touch her with  all that passion and fire that he has inside for her in a way that also communicates his love and respect for her.  He has tremendous sexual charge in his body, he is deeply authentic, and is sweeping her up in that sexual loving vortex.   That perfect combination of almost uncontainable desire with the ability to also take care of her in that moment is a dream come true.  That's what women want.


And, on a side note it's wonderful that this story is also so loved by teenagers.  Edward is actually a tremendous role model.  Puberty is a time when young men are just getting an understanding of this tremendously powerful force inside of them - this force that could hurt girls that they love or get them pregnant - in a sense being apart of "killing" their innocence and right to a full childhood.  It's far better to teach young men how to stay virile and vital and be able to embody it, rest in it,  to grow bigger than it so that they can share it's full intensity when the time is most appropriate in a way that makes their partner's feel deeply loved and cared for.  My favorite scene is the end when Bella wants Edward to bite her, she wants him to transform her. But, he understands the power he is carrying far better than she does and how completely it will change her.   So, he makes the more mature choice in that moment . He has used his years to grow, rather than just acting like a wild animal.   Her loving him that much that she wants to make that sacrifice and him loving her so much that he won’t let her is quite moving .  You can sense that whatever happens between them will be vibrantly beautiful and deeply transformative in a way that makes them better people in the end.

P.S. - This is a fascinating article worth checking out:  www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/Movies/11/16/older.twilight.fans/index.html

While in a tiny town in the middle of Wales,  I had a couple hours before my bus took off.  So, I began to stroll through the streets of the beautiful village and enjoy the surroundings a bit.  I was getting very hungry.   I saw an adorable cafe and stopped to take a look at the menu displayed outside.  "Come in! Come In!"  a elegantly dressed  Italian man said emphatically to me.  "No, no. I am not sure yet," I said, studying the menu more closely. "Just come in!" he said again, motioning enthusiastically with his hands to go over to him.  A flash of annoyance shot through me. "He's so pushy, what a turn-off" I grumbled internally.   "No, no. You don't understand. Just come in," he said again with a friendly grin. I looked into the cafe. It was packed with people having a grand time, singing, dancing, filling their plates full of food from a long banquet table.   "We are having a wedding reception and you are our welcomed guest!"  he said, pulling me inside.   The moment I entered a lovely woman put a plate in my hand and began pointing out what everything was.  "Lasagna. Eggplant Parmigiana. Spaghetti and Meatballs. You have whatever you want, darling!" 

In every direction was joyous laughter, wild dancing, big smiles.  "You share in our celebration!"  she said, pouring me a glass of red wine.  I must have said "Thank you" a hundred times in a span of about five minutes. "Find yourself an empty seat and enjoy!" said the elegant Italian man.   As I dug into my lasagna,  three little girls decided they wanted to put on a dance performance for me.  Right in front of my table, they did the most adorable interpretive ballet dance I have ever seen.  The few people at my table just smiled kindly at me.  About midway through my dinner, a group of young men rushed to my table. "Now, the American dances!"   one of them cheered, gently pulling on my hand.  We spilled onto the little make shift dance floor.   A few of the people on the dance floor started jumping up and down and singing "Boooorrn in the USA!!"  One of the guys had a video camera. "Here is our new friend from America!" he said, pointing the camera at me.  I gave a big wave and joined the jumping screaming dancing crowd of men, women, and children of all ages.  i couldn't wipe the big dopey grin off my face. I was almost dizzy with all of this gushing generosity from strangers.  I saw the bride and groom. I made my way over to them.  "Congratulations!" I said, shaking both their hands. "Oh, thank you! Thank you!" they said.  I checked my watch and saw I had to get going very soon. "I have to catch a bus! Thank you so so much! This was absolutely wonderful," I said to two of my new friends.  "Oh yes darling.  You have a safe trip," they said, giving me a hug and a peck on both cheeks.

I stumbled out of the cafe, a bit buzzed, my belly full, surging with joy and happily dumbfounded about what just happened.  I boarded the bus in a jubilant haze.  I crashed down into my seat, sat back and took a deep breath.  As the bus groaned out of the station, I gazed out the window and said a little Thank You prayer that I just happened to show up at the right place at the right time without even trying.